One mom told me that she prepared her child for kindergarten very thoroughly and for a long time. Almost an entire year was spent researching the best kindergarten. She explored whether Montessori would be better than Waldorf, considered a forest kindergarten, and also looked into state-run preschools to find one that would meet her high standards for a modern, alternative approach to children. She went on tours and spoke with teachers (or guides) and eventually succeeded in choosing the right one.

Of course, she was aware of how important it was to prepare the child psychologically as well, to familiarize them with what to expect and allow different emotions that might arise due to the upcoming change. They read books about kindergarten, pointed out pictures of what it would look like there, sang songs, and talked a lot about it. But despite all that, the first days in kindergarten still caught them off guard.

And the mom? She left kindergarten every morning with a huge sense of guilt, spent the whole day anxiously thinking about her daughter, and blamed herself for not having a better job, which would allow her to keep her child at home. She blamed herself for not preparing her daughter better and felt terrible that she had to go through this because she had no other choice. I won’t keep you in suspense any longer.

The problem wasn’t with the kindergarten or the teacher but with the mom’s approach.

But this combination of guilt, fears, anxieties, and strong beliefs was not only destroying her but also negatively affecting her daughter. This article is not about comparing alternative educational approaches.

The point is to show how our inner beliefs and emotions influence the reality around us.

The beginning of a new chapter in life can be hard not only for our children but (mostly) for us moms. If you’re worried or feel nervous about leaving your child alone for the first time, it’s normal and it doesn’t make you a bad mom. It often happens that the child would adapt just fine if only the mom wasn’t visibly filled with worries, uncertainty, restlessness, and anxiety.

How to have a calm september

1. Step 1: Acknowledge What You Believe and How You Feel About It

Ask yourself the following self-coaching questions to uncover your inner beliefs and discover how you truly feel.

Whatever you uncover, it doesn’t make you a bad person. (Maybe you thought that you’re really looking forward to your child being in kindergarten so you can finally go to work 😀 That’s completely fine too.) The goal isn’t to judge. The goal is to acknowledge what you feel and work through the negative emotions

2. Step 2: Prepare the child in the way they need (not how everyone else says)

Yes, the child comes second here. You can’t help your child enough if you’re not okay yourself.

It works the same way as in the airplane, where flight attendants strongly emphasize that we must put on the oxygen mask first ourselves and only then assist our child.

While the internet is full of excellent advice, books on sensitive children, cards, various webinars, and coloring books that are supposed to prepare the child for kindergarten, all of these materials can fall on barren soil if you don’t know exactly what your child needs.

Some children need a system and routine. They want to know how things will unfold. They’ll feel reassured if they wake up at the same time every day and have a regular morning routine. They’ll come to kindergarten at the same time, say goodbye, and go. They’ll know they’ll play, have a snack, etc.

Other children need to understand why they’re going to kindergarten, are curious about what they’ll learn, and think about how the kindergarten works, where the teachers come from, etc. These kids will benefit from broader storytelling and explanations and discussions with other family members (like how Aunt or Grandma went to kindergarten).

Then there are boys and girls who love fun, excitement, frolicking, and friends. They’ll hear about new friendships and practically forget to wave goodbye as they rush off to play with their friends. If you try explaining the workings of kindergarten to them at home, it’ll go in one ear and out the other. This type lives in the here and now.

But there are also children who feel nervous about new friendships, meeting new people, and the word adventure. Just like some adults, they simply don’t like changes. It’s stressful for them, and they may struggle with it for life.

That’s why it’s important to know your child, understand what they need, and help them cope with this change in the best way possible. If you’re unsure, Personality Typology based on birth dates can help. 

When you know what your child needs, you can give them the best support.

3. Step 3: Work with emotions

You’ve done everything you can, and still, the child isn’t calm, crying, refusing to go, afraid of being alone, started wetting the bed again, or complaining of a stomach ache..

4. Step 4: The morning sets the tone for the day

Chaos, confusion, crying, shouting, sibling fights, baby crying, the mailman, spilled coffee…

5. Step 5: Boost Immunity

Yes, it’s stress. It’s a change that everyone needs to get used to, including our bodies. Suddenly, instead of waking up at 9 am, we’re getting up at 6 am. Dressing quickly and heading out into the cold morning.